It’s that reason – or reasons – why you keep at it. Whatever it is – marriage, parenting, life in general… There’s a reason WHY you keep going. In some cases our why might just be “because I have to”. And that’s legit. Sometimes we get out of bed and get the kids up because jail for truancy just doesn’t sound like a good plan B. (not to mention that orange really isn’t my color).
Today I got out of bed because the crazy ass cat was meowing at my door. The little butt-hole hears my alarm go off and instead of giving me 5 minutes to get my eyeballs opened and get my bearings, he starts meowing. This is not a “meow” – more of a “MMMEEEEEEOOOOOOORRRRRR”. I do not recommend starting your day that way. Just sayin.
Some days are harder than others.
I’m in a bit of a funk, and I really really really (REALLY) wanted to sleep in. For like a week. But that damn cat – he wasn’t having it. So up I got – put him out and started the coffee pot and commenced to getting the kids up. As I cussed the cat – I realized – Hey – I’m grateful that I didn’t have to tell my 12 year old 5,389,271 times to get out of bed today (#parentingwin).
Sometimes we want to say F&%* it.
Ok – I’ll get real honest. There’s probably more F-it days than “I love my life” days right now. It’s hard working at a ‘regular’ job that’s a bit more soul sucking than it used to be, being a mom x 3, being a wife, and growing this business that is me – on display. I’m looking forward to the time when all this hard stuff pays off – but in the thick of it, it feels like a never-ending struggle.
Sometimes I want to check out.
I spend way too much time on my phone – Hay Day and Cookie Jam… And I downloaded a new one called Two Dots (<— really? Can we say “avoiding”?!). But they are all just excuses. It seems easier to play a game than to get real and speak my truth. Just like I thought it was easier to pretend like everything was fine when my marriage was in the crapper and it felt like everything was falling apart. Sometimes it’s easier to hide and pretend than it is to face it and feel it.
You have to feel it to heal it.
I’ve spend most of my 36 years stuffing my feelings. This usually manifests as stuffing my face with carbs and sugar. I’ve developed coping mechanisms that are literally and figuratively unhealthy. And while some people see folks with a life they crave and it’s motivation to try harder – I immediately want to binge on pizza and take a nap. As I work on me- my mindset, my body, my heart – I realize that in order for me to heal – I have to allow myself to FEEL. And it’s uncomfortable. But necessary. And imagine the view from the mountain after this valley!
I’m still working on verbalizing my ‘why’.
I know that I don’t like my 15 year old saying she looks like a potato (to which the 6 year old says YOU ARE NOT A POTATO). I know that I want very much for my 12 year old (who is shaped like an f-ing model) to care what she smells like. I know I want my 6 year old to stay empathetic and sensitive, but be a strong protector as well.
I know I want to be a good wife, a good mother, and a good person who helps other people – but – It’s all very overwhelming sometimes. I want to feel like I’m making a difference for the better.
I want to be an example of what’s good, but also what’s real.
Ain’t nothing in life perfect. And I am far from perfection. I struggle with my weight and body image. I worry that I’m not doing the parenting thing right. Sometimes when I think about how different me and my hubby are now compared to when we met, I wonder if we’re just staying together out of fear and comfort. Then I remember:
I am not a victim of circumstance.
I can be scared, and struggle, and worry and question. But at the end of the day – things don’t happen TO me. Everything that’s ever happened in my life up until now – has brought me to this point. And I have an opportunity to lift YOU up – and give you some hope. I don’t have to be perfect to make a difference. Neither do you.
Life isn’t fair, but it can still be good.
It’s not fair that I can’t eat whatever I want an be a size 10 (ahem- I’d be thrilled to be a 10- just sayin). It’s not fair that I don’t live on a beach somewhere. It’s not fair that some weeks I’m counting out change for a little bit of gas to get me through till payday.
But it’s still good.
And when you stand in your truth – your “why” makes itself clear.
When you get real still and quiet (I tend to do this for the minute or so I have between getting into bed and being knocked out) you can feel it. Take a few deep breaths through your nose (in for 6 counts, hold for one, out for 6) – and you have a moment where all is well. Your body (brain and heart) are connected with your soul – and you know ‘why’. You might not be able to articulate it, but you know your purpose – you know your power – you know your “why”. And you can wake up tomorrow and do it all again.
What’s your why?
Do you know your “why”? I’d love to talk to you about it, and help you nail down your path to living your truth during a complimentary (as in free- woop woop!) coaching call. I’m all ears if you want to hop on the phone (or eyes if you want to reply or send me an email) 🙂