How your self talk affects your self worth
Talk to yourself like you’re someone you love.
Have you ever heard that? It’s pretty deep. The things we say to ourselves has a profound effect on our self worth, and it’s not hard to get into a negative, toxic thought pattern.
I’ve written before about Negative Nelly (the mean girl in my head) and how she can get me questioning everything about myself. Nelly is really my ego – trying to keep me safe.
Bless her heart – she ran the show for far too long, so getting her to sit down and shut the f&%* up has been more difficult than I thought it would be. Nelly’s favorite subjects are my weight, finances, business, and a few other things. Do you have a Nelly?
It’s all connected.
When I eat well, I feel good, and I exercise and show up in my business 100%. And Nelly shuts her pie hole.
And when I don’t, well…. I don’t, and she doesn’t.
I did Whole 30 in January and was on fire. Then pizza came back into my life and I’ve put back all the weight I lost. I know it’s a symptom of some deeper work… My doctor has even connected me with a medical weight loss program. Boo. Nothing like seeing your body mass divided up into % fat, % water, and % muscle.
The beautiful thing is – we can burn it down and rebuild as many times as we need to.
I know it’s not always easy to pull ourselves out of the the downward spiral (like going down a drain!). It’s probably one of my greatest personal struggles. Yet each time we have the awareness to see that we’re going in a direction that isn’t suiting our highest good – we can flip it.
I remember hearing in Al-Anon that you can start your day over at any moment. I thought it was BS to be frank, but we CAN choose to see things a different way. My first life coach gave me the biggest a-ha – which I still use to this day. “Things don’t happen TO me, they happen FOR me”. Now I know that may seem trite – there are a slew of horrible things happening in the world. But stick with me here for a minute.
What feels better?
Things happening to you? Or things happening for you? What gives you back your power and energy of being the warrior and not the worrier? My hubs being an addict happened FOR me. It’s helped me realize I had a severe lack of self worth, it’s helped me learn about myself, and about addiction and mental health in ways I’d never dreamed. Now I can do better to advocate for fixing the broken systems. I’ve even developed an entire business around helping other women do the things they need to do to be better.
Could I spend time in blame and resentment? Sure. Heck, to be completely honest – I still go there sometimes. The fact is, though, I always had choice. It was due to my own insecurities that I got into, and stayed, in that relationship. Of course now that he’s clean and sober for 7+ years, it helps to make the pain ‘worth in’ (I’m not sure who’s measuring worth but that’s another post).
Every time I choose gratitude over blame, love over fear, and myself over others, it’s a win. Moment by moment, you get stronger, and it gets a bit easier to flip the script. It is definitely a process, and something that takes practice.
What do you do when you catch yourself talking down about yourself or your current reality?
For me, helping others, and getting into a place of gratitude always helps. Asking how a situation or hard time in the past has served me for my good and reflecting on the growth is always helpful. I’ve created a handy dandy worksheet to help you unpack these thought patterns. Click here to download it.
**Give yourself lots of grace as you work towards talking to yourself like someone you love. If you have trouble – think about if one of your kids or another young person you care about was talking to themselves like you do to yourself.
Remember – even tiny changes can impact the trajectory of your life.
You get to choose. Choosing the negative self talk breeds a lower self worth.
As the book club gets geared up to start The Four Agreements in May, I’m reminded of the fourth – Always Do Your Best. Each moment is another opportunity. Meaning it’s ok not to be perfect (just in case you don’t know that perfect isn’t an actual thing yet).
So if you haven’t been very consistent up until now – choose again. Been pretty hard on yourself lately? Choose again.
When we’re ready, we change.
We shift and grow. We can choose differently with new knowledge, resources, experiences. As we know better, we do better.
If you’re ready to do better, I got you. As a support and accountability guide, I help women with a goal to show up, shine, and serve. Find out more about how we could work together here.
I’d love to know how you’ve flipped the script in the past and/or plan to in the coming days/weeks, etc. Drop a comment and let me know!