I’m sure you’ve heard “You have to feel it to heal it”
– and heck, I’ve even said it myself! However, sometimes you just don’t want to feel the things that need to be felt. Maybe you know it’s going to be painful. Or you’re afraid of how others may react to your feeling (especially if feelings aren’t something your family ‘does’). Or you don’t trust that you’ll be able to move completely through it, and you’ll tell yourself some story about how you’ll just end up being that miserable old hag who doesn’t have any joy in her life… (ugh)
It can be scary and hard to feel the feels.
All the ‘what if’s’ start brewing. It’s easy to get sucked down the drain and get swept away to the pit of despair. You start wondering if it’s better to just stay where you are, then to rock the boat. What if it’s worse on the other side? What if you get hurt on your way through? As for it being hard, if you don’t feel like you have any support to help you navigate the sometimes dark waters of these feelings, then it’s doubly scary and super easy to get stuck in the ‘I don’t know’ cycle.
Especially if you’re feeling alone.
So, how do you not feel alone?
One thing I’ve found is to greet everyone I make eye contact with. A simple hello can go a long way. When we see others, we form a connection. If you’re not ready to do that with actual people, you can start with your pet. They’re pretty good about loving up on you, aren’t they? Then you can text folks and just let them know you were thinking about them (because that doesn’t require a response so if they don’t text back, you don’t feel slighted).
It’s ok to not be ready, and/or to take baby steps.
I’ve had to remind myself of this very thing over the last week. As I feel these intense emotions brewing (thanks astrology!) and yet I know I’m not fully prepared to release them, I’m reminding myself that it’s ok to not be ready.
It’s ok to be right where you are.
So often in the groups I’m still in for wives of addicts and loved ones of alcoholics, etc. I see women feeling guilty for staying, angry at themselves and their partners for being in whatever reality is there, and being scared to death to change anything.
Because the unknown is scary.
And if you’re going to do something different, it’s scary. Because you’ve never done it before. Just like when you learned to ride a bike without training wheels. You knew the power was in your hands, and that there wasn’t anything to hold you up or keep you steady after you put your feet on the pedals. Just having that grown up with their hand on the back of your seat was all you needed to have the confidence, right?
Just don’t get stuck there.
The staying stuck is where we get it messed up. It seems so easy to just stay in the dark, and maybe there’s a little voice (which is lying btw) telling you not to bother. That it’s only going to be harder, that you can’t do it right, that you’ll never or always be ___.
Call bullshit on that noise.
You know the truth.
That you deserve all the happiness and joy that this life has to offer. That the voice that’s saying mean things – is just that – a voice. Your soul knows the truth.
That the pain isn’t going to last forever. That you’ve made it through 100% of your bad days so far. And that you are loved and supported beyond anything you can even fathom.
Just like whoever had your back when you were learning to ride a bike, there’s someone who has your back now.
Who’s got your back these days?
Being alone is the scary thing. Knowing that it’s all up to you is the scary thing. Not knowing if you’re going to get to the other side without scratching, crashing or breaking something is the scary thing. Having someone at your back though – that’s the game changer.
Knowing that there’s someone there to cheer you on, to try to help you steady your balance if you start to teeter, and to help grab an ice pack if you fall off – that’s gold. Even as grown ass adults, we need to know we’re not alone. That we’re going to be ok.
So that’s my message for you this week –
You’re going to be ok. I’ve got your back.
Time is running out to get the VIP membership for The Book Club. We start The Four Agreements on May 1.