Hi my name is Erin and I’m a recovering perfectionist
For a really long time (longer than I care to admit) – I carried the ‘perfectionist’ badge around like a medal of honor. I prided myself in doing my very best and getting the recognition and praise for being so good.
It’s taken me YEARS of therapy, reading books, attending 12 step meetings, and more bitch sessions with friends than I can count to get me to where I am today.
Not perfect, but yet completely perfect.
Ah the paradox of worth. How can one be perfect, and yet a work in progress? Yes – you are perfect exactly how you are, because that’s how you are. You are exactly where you are supposed to be at this very moment, reading this message. Let that soak in for a moment.
I’ve spent some time connecting dots around my own self worth lately and it’s been quite the adventure. I shared with my email list (I’ll put a link later in this message if you’d like to join!) an experience that had me leaving one of my favorite stores in tears after a botched bra shopping excursion. Long story short – I felt broken because they didn’t have a bra that would fit me.
The very next day I spoke at a conference and nailed the topic- Flipping the Script – because the stories we tell ourselves matter. I shared with that group of mental health/addictions and social work folks that how THEY show up can influence their clients.
So I show up raw, vulnerable and real with you.
My goal is to somehow give you the permission you’ve been waiting for to be OK with wherever you’re at. Maybe you’re not able to invest thousands in a life coach. Maybe you’re sick of re-hashing the same stuff in your therapy and coffee dates. Maybe you’re getting on your own dang nerves about the thing you want to change but aren’t making steps to do anything about.
It’s OK to just want to do a little better than you did yesterday.
Of course you have a big ole shiny goal of the dream life you want to live. I do too! (Tiny house at the beach anyone?!) But my current reality is that I have a houseful – and a part time government job that I need for the insurance, and am doing my own inner work, while being a lighthouse for women like you.
Dreams are good – and action is better.
Dream my love – DREAM DREAM DREAM and visualize that every day. Hell – think about that dream life when you’re at a red light, taking a shower, at the gym – whenever you can – get into that dream world and FEEL it.
What is it that feels so good about that dream?
Is it the peace? The organization? The smells? The physical location? Melt every last detail into your brain and know that it can be yours.
It really can be yours.
Yes, it may take time. I’m not about to have 7 people in a tiny house – so I have some kids to fly the nest first. My youngest is almost 9, so I have a few years to really visualise my life in my tiny house. I can draw the floor plan, pick out paint colors, begin downsizing my crap – there’s ACTION I can take now to move towards that dream.
You can move towards your dream with teeny actions.
I know – it may seem like some people just get up and make all this progress on their goals. Not everyone is built like that though.
I have peers who started coaching around the same time I did, and some of them are million-dollar year, and multiple 10’s of thousands of dollars a month in sales. I celebrate them! I also know lots of people who started and gave up. I mourn with them.
I have found that it really is the steady pursuit of ‘better’ that works best for me.
At this point in my coaching journey I’ve tried all the things ‘they’ say I ‘should’ do. Many of them work. Sometimes at the expense of me feeling burnt out or stressed or broken. I’ve decided that I would rather speak my truth to those who are drawn to me like ships to a lighthouse than to be a door to door salesperson.
Because better has no finish line.
I’m not sure if it’s age/wisdom/maturity but it certainly feels easier to do this now than when I was in my 20s and early 30s.
I’m learning to love and accept myself as I am. This beautiful, messy me. And remember that I am loved and supported in ways I can not begin to fathom let alone understand.
As are you my friend.
This week –
Take a look at where you’re trying to force perfectionism. Where are you trying too hard versus letting things flow?
Here for you if you’d like support in processing this juicy stuff.
The Four Agreements discusses this as well -and it’ll be our May book for The Book Club. I’d love to have you join us!
Oh – and speaking of books – get “More Than Shelf Help: A guide to actually using the stuff in your personal development books” along with my weekly emails by clicking here.