addiction coaching communication family parenting positivity self care Self Help

People Pleaser? or Codependent?

What’s the difference between people pleasing and codependency?  A lot of times, people will say they are a people pleaser, but they don’t necessarily identify as being codependent. In my research, and in my life experience, I have found there is no difference. It’s just a little nicer way to say it when you say “i’mContinue Reading “People Pleaser? or Codependent?”

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What if rehab doesn’t fix everything?

99.9% of people think that you send your loved one to rehab and they come back ‘fixed’. Life will just be sunshine and rainbows….right?  If they stop ____ then life will be _____ – I don’t blame them – I did too! See, when he was using, he was never home. But when he cameContinue Reading “What if rehab doesn’t fix everything?”

addiction coaching communication self care Self Help

Feel Like You’ve Lost Yourself in Your Relationship? Read this!

It can be easy to lose yourself and become entangled or enmeshed in the one we love. When you love an addict/alcoholic though, it’s a big problem when you want nothing more than the other person’s happiness, and put that above (or at the expense of) your own happiness. I have gone without to makeContinue Reading “Feel Like You’ve Lost Yourself in Your Relationship? Read this!”

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WHY do I spy on my partner?

Why do I spy on my partner? Ah, the joys of being the wife of an addict/alcoholic.  The lies, and deceit, and not sure what to believe. Chasing them, and/or the truth, and sometimes not believing either of them.   In some ways, we are like Magnum PI (am I showing my age here?) andContinue Reading “WHY do I spy on my partner?”

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Characteristics of Codependency

Characteristics of Codependency Addiction doesn’t discriminate, neither does codependency or feelings of unworthiness / not being good enough and wanting to lose yourself (even if it’s unconsciously) in others.  I’m on the journey too – just a few steps ahead since my hubs has 6 years clean. I’d say the last 3 years I’ve beenContinue Reading “Characteristics of Codependency”

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Self worth – What’s your price tag?

Where’s the first place you go when you need to shop? Stay with me here – the first place I go when I shop is the clearance rack. I like to find bargains and deals. I’ve bought things that I didn’t necessarily like, or fit particularly well (i.e. too big/small) because they didn’t have myContinue Reading “Self worth – What’s your price tag?”

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You can detach without leaving

Detach – it’s not really a concrete thing… I knew the people in the rooms would tell me to detach. Detach with love they’d say. Focus on you. Repeat the Serenity Prayer and realize the only thing you have the ability to change is yourself. It was all so abstract though.  I just wanted someoneContinue Reading “You can detach without leaving”

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Resentments

I’m sure you’ll agree- a woman can hold a resentment.   We are built to remember all the things.  Our minds take in everything around us.  I’m pretty sure my uterus doubles as a homing device, because if someone can’t find something, I can usually tell them where they left it. We carry the mental load,Continue Reading “Resentments”

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The love/hate relationship with codependency

Codependency is something you hear a lot about in 12 step programs and groups for loved ones of alcoholics/addicts There’s books (Melodie Beatty’s Codependent No More being one of them) written about the subject. How to define codependency, how to determine if you’re codependent, how to “fix” it. It’s been my experience that it’s neverContinue Reading “The love/hate relationship with codependency”

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Healing wounds from the past

Healing wounds from the past can be tricky. Do you have issues and baggage from your years gone by?  Those dang wounds will come sneaking up on you sometimes and when you least expect it – they can reach up and try to pull you back. I’ve had the opportunity to explore some of myContinue Reading “Healing wounds from the past”